Blythe (sk8sister) wrote in anastinydancers,

To Ana

Oh Ana, how it's been a while.. Too long, hasn't it? I was stupid to let them take you away. I was dumb and misled. I was a coward, I let them. I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Now, I want you back. I'm coming back to you, begging on my knees. My fat, gross knees. You see me now, and you laugh at me. I know.....look at me now, Ana. Look at what they've let me become. I know you were once proud. I remember when I made you happy. It can be like that again, I want it again.
You always gave me attention, Ana. They were all jealous. They wanted my attention when you were the dominant one in my life. Now that I've let you go, so have they. They don't care anymore about me, they don't take second glances anymore. They did when you were here, though. I don't care about them. I only care about you, Ana. Just you and I. We can have that again, we can rule again.
I want to devote my life to you once again, but you need to help me, take me over once again. Lead the way. Take me over. Let me learn to love, then eventually forget the feeling of hunger. The feeling of accomplishment. of control. of power.
I'll keep you energized with caffine and ephedrine, clean with laxatives. We'll be hungry together. You'll be proud again. You'll see the bones again.
I want you to kill me, Ana. I'm sick of the cycle. The yo-yoing, the up and downs of it all. I want this to be it. I never want us to be parted again. I want to close my eyes one day, and be forever at rest with you. That'll be the day of victory. A day of celebration. It'll be our day, Ana.
I want to write a song for you. A poem. A forever reminder, tattooed on my body. To show you, I'll never abandon you again. Please don't leave, please. I can feel you already.
Together, we WILL see. Together, we WILL achieve. Together, we'll make heads turn again, we'll make jaws drop again. Remember those times? We'll have them.
I'll run my fat off. Not your fat. My fat. You're perfect, I want to be like you, Ana. My feet will blister and bleed, my ankles will hurt, but I'll keep running.
Come back full force, please.
We'll set a goal. Not a number goal. I'm sick of numbers.

I know you are too. Numbers were never good enough for you.
But I want to proove myself. This year, this upcoming year will be our year. By January, Ana, by January. I'll be smaller. The treasure maps of veins will cover my body again. We'll see every muscle. Every bone. It'll hurt to sit down again, oh, how wonderful! I'm so excited. In 1 week, I'll be smaller, too. You'll see my potential. I did it before, I'll do it again....only, with YOU.

Ana, Please help me die. Our goal. Our'll help me. Oh how I can feel you inside me already!!! Thank you for hearing my prayer...
Help me fade away. Let me feel the hunger soon.
Let me forget what it feels like.

Let me be dead one day, Ana. Thank you. Let me find peace. Thinfully. Let me be small. smaller. Smallest. Let me be the smallest I can be. 95 pounds wasn't good enough for you. So, there is no goal. We'll find my real limits. My real boundaries. I want to see them, acknowledge them, then destroy them.

There are no boundaries.
I have no number goal.
My goal is to fade away.
My goal is to die.
My goal is to find my line.
My goal is to cross it, and never come back.
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"Ana, Please help me die."

That's what a gun is for.
You stupid, stupid, stupid little girl.

This has got to be one of the most stupid, angsty ridiculous things I have had the misfortune to read.

Ana is not a person, silly. You must have read the "how to be a better anorexic" site that pokes fun at stupid girls like you, writing stupid letters like this to an imaginary friend. It seems you probably are friendless. You have taken much time writing to nobody about something you will never be capable of doing.

Anorexic Nervosa is a mental illness classified by the DSM-IV criteria set down by psychologists, stolen from psychiatrists...

If you want to die, idiot, why don't you just do it, instead of making me want to commit suicide after reading this pathetic post?????

i doubt she actually thinks 'ana' is a person. in fact, people often refer to something that has no real (human)form as a he or a she, just because it takes in such a huge part in his or her life.
if you can't grasp that you are the stupid stupid stupid DUMB fucking girl.
that being said, the both of you should get over yourself.
and try to seek fucking help for christ sake, i know anorexia is an illness but still, goddamn.. i cannot understand why ANOYONE would want to look like that.

Deleted comment

I don't have a livejournal, I am happy to tell you my name but I am sure you don't know me so I don't really see the point in it. but whatever, my name is Adam and I am from the Netherlands, satisfied?

I actually did not pay attention to the date, I came across this lj trying to find some information for a school project, read the letter, read your reply and made a comment. Dead community or not, you found it necessary to comment back 3 times, I guess I somehow upset you, which is very amusing to me, thank you for that.
And yes, I assumed you've got anorexia too. So I was wrong, I thought something and it's not true, big fucking deal it won't keep me up at night.

I am NOT trying to cause a fight, I just don't agree with your post and told you so. If you can't handle that, think about it before you post.
Oh and the jealous of skinny people part, no I am not jealous. You see there is more to life then being freakishly thin, I am glad I know this and I feel sorry for all the anorexic and what not out there who don't.

There is absolutely no point trying to explain anything about eating disorders, firstly due to my not being able to be heard over your chewing
and that.. that made me laugh as well.. that's a comment my 9 year old sister would find painfully childish.

Anyway, thanks again, you're hilarious. If you find it necessary to reply again, please do. I love to laugh.