I Dont Care If It Hurts, I Want To Have Control, I Want A Perfect Body

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Tiny Dancers

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[12 Mar 2008|12:16pm]

My name is Traci, I'm 21 and I've been ana since I was 14. In the past fasting has been more successful when I've had a fasting buddy. So, if anyone would like to be fasing buddies you can text me at 402-813-1098. I'm starting (over) today

To Ana [25 Oct 2005|03:45pm]

Oh Ana, how it's been a while.. Too long, hasn't it? I was stupid to let them take you away. I was dumb and misled. I was a coward, I let them. I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Now, I want you back. I'm coming back to you, begging on my knees. My fat, gross knees. You see me now, and you laugh at me. I know.....look at me now, Ana. Look at what they've let me become. I know you were once proud. I remember when I made you happy. It can be like that again, I want it again.
You always gave me attention, Ana. They were all jealous. They wanted my attention when you were the dominant one in my life. Now that I've let you go, so have they. They don't care anymore about me, they don't take second glances anymore. They did when you were here, though. I don't care about them. I only care about you, Ana. Just you and I. We can have that again, we can rule again.
I want to devote my life to you once again, but you need to help me, take me over once again. Lead the way. Take me over. Let me learn to love, then eventually forget the feeling of hunger. The feeling of accomplishment. of control. of power.
I'll keep you energized with caffine and ephedrine, clean with laxatives. We'll be hungry together. You'll be proud again. You'll see the bones again.
I want you to kill me, Ana. I'm sick of the cycle. The yo-yoing, the up and downs of it all. I want this to be it. I never want us to be parted again. I want to close my eyes one day, and be forever at rest with you. That'll be the day of victory. A day of celebration. It'll be our day, Ana.
I want to write a song for you. A poem. A forever reminder, tattooed on my body. To show you, I'll never abandon you again. Please don't leave, please. I can feel you already.
Together, we WILL see. Together, we WILL achieve. Together, we'll make heads turn again, we'll make jaws drop again. Remember those times? We'll have them.
I'll run my fat off. Not your fat. My fat. You're perfect, I want to be like you, Ana. My feet will blister and bleed, my ankles will hurt, but I'll keep running.
Come back full force, please.
We'll set a goal. Not a number goal. I'm sick of numbers.

I know you are too. Numbers were never good enough for you.
But I want to proove myself. This year, this upcoming year will be our year. By January, Ana, by January. I'll be smaller. The treasure maps of veins will cover my body again. We'll see every muscle. Every bone. It'll hurt to sit down again, oh, how wonderful! I'm so excited. In 1 week, I'll be smaller, too. You'll see my potential. I did it before, I'll do it again....only, with YOU.

Ana, Please help me die. Our goal. Our goal....you'll help me. Oh how I can feel you inside me already!!! Thank you for hearing my prayer...
Help me fade away. Let me feel the hunger soon.
Let me forget what it feels like.

Let me be dead one day, Ana. Thank you. Let me find peace. Thinfully. Let me be small. smaller. Smallest. Let me be the smallest I can be. 95 pounds wasn't good enough for you. So, there is no goal. We'll find my real limits. My real boundaries. I want to see them, acknowledge them, then destroy them.

There are no boundaries.
I have no number goal.
My goal is to fade away.
My goal is to die.
My goal is to find my line.
My goal is to cross it, and never come back.
4 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[12 Oct 2005|08:31pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Height: 5'6"
Current Weight: 160
Short-Term Goal Weight: 140
Long-Term Goal Weight: 115
Eating Disorder: EDNOS
Pictures? nort of me
Favorite Bands [optional]: the goo goo dolls, david guetta, anything to dance to
Favorite Movies [optional]: back to the future, home alone, thirteen, center stage, e.t, mean girls, the incredibles
And At Least One Thinspirational Picture: Read more...Collapse )

i know i'm disgusting... but plz don't judge!

i love this pic of mk...

stay thin everyone! we deserve it.


[10 Oct 2005|11:46pm]

I've recently been put in charge of a friends community. im trying to make the community grow while shes gone. so if anyone would like to join that would be absolutely wonderful. =)

sorry if this is x-posted ♥

[04 Oct 2005|12:30pm]

Current Weight:Unknown, 110 last recorded..probably higher now
Short-Term Goal Weight:100
Long-Term Goal Weight:95
Eating Disorder:Anorexia, diet pill addiction, obsessive exerciser, occasional bulimic tendencies (all have been diagnosed)
Pictures?Not at the moment

I can't update a great deal right now, but I will include the other options later, along with a lengthier introduction.
I'm glad I joined, this seems like a pretty good community.

best of luck!
2 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

new <3 [02 Oct 2005|04:36pm]

[ mood | sleepy ]

Height: 5'3
Current Weight: 112
Short-Term Goal Weight:105
Long-Term Goal Weight:95
Eating Disorder:ana
<b>Pictures? *and the resT* </b>Collapse )
And Atleast One Thinspirational Picture:Image hosted by Photobucket.com

1 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

goodbye dancers--MODPOST [02 Oct 2005|04:08pm]

hey guys, this community kind of died. the last post was in april, and it's october. i know a lot of it's my fault for not keeping up with it, and i'm sorry i failed you guys, but i'm going to delete this community. it will be up for another day or two so people will read this, then it will be gone.

i still moderate another community that's a little more active called anonymous_ed so feel free to join it.

stay thin,

[31 Mar 2005|09:40pm]
Hey girlies and guys.. I'm new! ♥Collapse )
3 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

progress [13 Feb 2005|04:04pm]

[ mood | guilty ]

weighed 131 lbs. this morning. i still want to lose at least 11 more pounds, but at least i know what i'm doing is working.

today, i've had three glases of crystal light (ugh, why so much ... 8 calories each, but still), a whole bunch of 3-calorie pieces of gum, diet sprite zero, water, and ... here comes the food:

one 45 calorie piece of bread

two hard-boiled eggs (kinda gross, but i heard that eggs can be negative calories, and it was either that or some seriously chunky soup which would've been on my thighs for the next twenty years)

a piece of 100-calorie whole wheat bread with eggsalad (one tablespoon of mayonnaise at 47 calories, i put 4 eggs into the salad and about three tablespoons, and then put about a tablespoon of the salad on my bread and left the rest for my dad)

i was scared i'd blow my diet because i already felt guilty about the sandwich, so i got dressed and took an hour-long walk. i still don't think that's enough.

i've also done at least 200 crunches, 75 inner-thigh toning exercises on each leg, a few push-ups (i am not strong at all with my arms, 100 "thigh dimple diminishing" exercises. i don't really have thigh dimples, but i figured it couldn't hurt. also, i've done a lot of really dorky dancing.

not nearly enough, i know. i'm not even hungry, and when i'm not hungry, i feel like i'm no doing it right.

i'm actually dressed and ready to go down on the stationary bike, but it tires me out so much and i'm dreading it. i can only do, like, maximum 10 minutes on it. it's awful, i should really have more stamina, i mean, i'm a ballet dancer, but i just don't.

aah, sorry for ranting. just trying to sort out what i've done. also, if anyone has any ideas on what else i could do, please help. =]

2 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[09 Feb 2005|04:10pm]

Mentally I want to be skinny. Physically I'm getting there. I'm not ushing myself as hard as I need to. Today starts that lent bullshit. Though I'm not a strong religious person, I'll follow along with it. I'm giving up everything this only leaves me water, and salads with no dressing. i guess whatevs. I never stick to this bullshit. I might as well leave because I;m not faithful to this ana shit. I need, want, and desire to be skinny, but i need to just do what makes me happy.
4 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[08 Feb 2005|09:53pm]

[ mood | pessimistic -- got a headache ]

Height: 5'8"
Current Weight: 134 lbs.
Short-Term Goal Weight: 120 lbs.
Long-Term Goal Weight: 100 lbs.
Eating Disorder: i'm not skinny like an anorexic girl is, 'cause i don't have that willpower, but i know the mentality is there. everyone's always telling me. eurgh.
Pictures? bad ones, yes.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

And Atleast One Thinspirational Picture:

not all that great, but i would kill to have her legs.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

2 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

newbie [06 Feb 2005|01:04am]

Hi, I'm Stacy and I'm 20 years old. Been dealing with ana/mia for 8 years. Was in recovery over summer but obviously didn't recover and now I want to lose the weight they made me gain. My lowest weight was 77 lbs and I'd like to get below that.

Height: 5'6
Current Weight: 120
Short-Term Goal Weight: 100
Long-Term Goal Weight: As low as possible.
Eating Disorder: Ana/mia
Pictures?: Later
And Atleast One Thinspirational Picture: Click!Collapse )
4 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[04 Feb 2005|08:01pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Height: 5'4
Current Weight: 110
Short-Term Goal Weight: 100
Long-Term Goal Weight: 90
Eating Disorder: ednos..
Pictures? sorry none
Favorite Bands [optional]: radiohead, silverchair, nirvana, incubus, EVERYTHING pretty much,
Favorite Movies [optional]: ummm thirteen, sweetest thing.. lol, pirates of the caribean? haha i like alot...
And Atleast One Thinspirational Picture: iunno how to add them on this...


[01 Feb 2005|06:58pm]

does anyone know a really good over the counter diet pill? i'm almost out of my stackers 2. i don't really know if they help me or not... i'm taking 2 after each meal and they don't seem to do much. maybe i've built up an immunity to them. so i was thinking hydroxycut, or maybe these green tea pills everyone keeps talking about. or maybe i should stick with stackers? getting them is no problem, my friend's sister will buy them for me... but does anyone have any suggestions?

x posted in anastinydancers and anonymous_ed

p.s. i'm working on promoting the hell out of these communities.
3 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

Diet plan [31 Jan 2005|12:03am]

2 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

I Want People To Look At Me And Think: Perfect, So "Perfect" Is What I Named My Bones [30 Jan 2005|11:34pm]

Hello. most of you probably don't remember me because i've been incredibly inactive and i haven't been keeping up with my journal... but i was here in the begining, one of the first members, and the Mod is a very close friend of mine. However the Mod that started this community has decided to recover and is doing great. we're all very proud of her. so in order to relieve her of all ED-related responsibilites, the Mod-business has been turned over to me.

so... i'm your new mod.

i haven't really changed much about the community besides updating the info page a bit. plus i'm going to make new banners and promote like crazy. if you want my stats, they are on my info page, and if you really want to get to know me, just comment in my journal saying "add me" and you'll be added <3

so... hi!

//:MOD POST! [27 Jan 2005|04:10pm]

Hi everyone. If anyone has been reading my journal, you would've read that I'm trying to recover from anorexia currently.

That means I'm leaving all my communities, that are ED related. And I'm going to leave this one too, but I wanted to know if anyone wanted to take ownership on this community, since I'm leaving.

If nobody speaks up, I'm deleting this community.

I'm sorry, but its the only way.
1 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[17 Jan 2005|11:38pm]


[09 Jan 2005|12:03pm]

Just lost 127 calories. I'm guessing I consumed about 230 or so this morning soo... only like 100 more to loose and ill be at 0. I think i lost more than thay also by running around the house a bit so im guessing 150 lost and about 80 to remain!! yes!
1 Would Kill For Perfection| Starve

[08 Jan 2005|10:38pm]

i just lost 53 calories playing four songs on the eye toy my sister got for christmas with the dance groove game. im guessing like 50 somthing earlier when i played it.

I havent been updating in here because ive been feeling good about my self lately. now that im posting doesnt mean i dont like it i jyst want to chare everyone with my calorie lost playing this game. each day ill loose everything i eat. because god and everyone knows i can wolf down anything in the world though i only gain like a pound from it. Not too much depression has been occuring lately, thats good.

Oh well! good luck everyone!
♥ Kelley

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